"CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever" (carsoffortlangley)
10/18/2018 at 00:16 • Filed to: None
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"CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever" (carsoffortlangley)
10/18/2018 at 00:16 • Filed to: None | 4
| 29 |
Whatisthatsound unloading his Jag inspired me to look at used ones. It isn’t the right time for me, but hey, I never turn down looking at Autotrader. Then I found this.... !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Full text below. Is this standard for performance car salesmen?
Ears bleeding,
the hairs on your neck standing upright; 260 km/h glows between the steering wheel. The sound of 8 cylinders having air violently forced through them bounces around the tunnel that surrounds you. Another quick glance - 280 km/h stares back at you. A boom that can be heard for miles around explodes on exit as a bright blue flash of chaos disappears into the inky blackness of the night. For those who like it raw, this is, the 2016 Jaguar F-Type SVR
Let’s get down and dirty: the numbers. 575 Horsepower and 516 ft lbs of torque to all four wheels via a 5 Liter Supercharged direct injection V8 and a lightning fast 8 speed automatic transmission. 0-60 mph in 3.4 seconds. 0-100 mph in 8.0 seconds. 0-150 mph in 19 seconds. The quarter mile flies by in 11.7 seconds at 122 mph. Throw in a top speed of 200 mph for good measure, and you have an F-Type that isn’t for the faint of heart. Still a Grand Touring machine, the SVR turns everything to 11. Or 12 or Even 13. No longer will you be making a few Braps and Pops here and there when the exhaust button is pushed, because instead you will feel as though your
Inconel Titanium exhaust is actually an FN M249 SAW engaged in an intense firefight in the middle of Mosul, Iraq. Be ready to knock pedestrians right off of their feet
with 108 decibels of British lunacy.
So it’s here to have fun. Maybe even a bit too much fun. All of the time.
Just like that guy at the party on PCP. But rather that ripping toilets out of their foundations and throwing them through the living room wall
, you will be going through a corner at a physics defying speed that would confuse Isaac Newton himself. How does it circle the skid pad pulling 1.02 G you ask? Extra wide tires and massive brakes help, but the real winner is the extra rigid unibody coupled to that fantastic all wheel drive system that sends this car
out of the gate like a man who has just received a “Come over, nobody is home” text.
The SVR is ,without question, the most unlimited, fastest, and schizophrenic Jaguar made today. For that, how can you not love it? Why wouldn’t you want to be the blue flash that made the dad in that Honda Odyssey say swear words in front of his kids? The truth is, you would, and you do want to do all of these things. So slide on in, hit that start button, watch the gauges turn to a sinister red glow as you select Dynamic mode, and shift into drive while grabbing one of the cool to the touch aluminum gear shift paddles. The road ahead needs a little color. Will the F-Type SVR be your brush?
whatisthatsound
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:19 |
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I’m going to buy that.
beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:22 |
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eh, those ads are only good if the car is absolutely rubbish.
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:22 |
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Sounds good to me.
Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:26 |
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Scoffing at dads in minivans and likening the takeoff to sexual anticipation... Clearly pandering to the midlife crisis type.
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CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:27 |
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I've never heard a car get compared to fighting ISIS (I presume) in mosul
The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:27 |
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Lotus Vancouver always has great ad descriptions.
interstate366, now In The Industry
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:32 |
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Looks like an American expat wrote it.
gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:34 |
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¯\_()_/¯
It's Vancouver. There is no rule book.
CB
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:39 |
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Would not buy. I’m trying to buy a Jag, something with a bit of class, not something a used car dealer would try to sell me with absurd metaphors and a garbage narrative.
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CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
> gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee
10/18/2018 at 00:39 |
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Tell me about it
Decay buys too many beaters
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 00:49 |
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This is high art.
Future Heap Owner
> CB
10/18/2018 at 00:51 |
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Listen, those are mostly similes
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CB
> Future Heap Owner
10/18/2018 at 01:00 |
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I’m gonna be honest, I skimmed it.
PS9
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 01:04 |
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Clearly one of us sells Jaguars in Canada. I demand to know who this person is. Show yourself!
NKato
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 01:07 |
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You’re starting to remind me of that friend who can’t settle on a class in RPG games.
Pick a damn car already.
LongbowMkII
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 01:09 |
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I picked a non supercharged British 6... I want more noise
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CB
> NKato
10/18/2018 at 01:15 |
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Welcome to Oppo, where we’re all window shopping. Besides, you know he bought one in the last few months, right?
Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
> CB
10/18/2018 at 01:34 |
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Damn it. I was at the Porsche dealer getting my mother’s Cayenne serviced. Saw a DB9 there and my god that is a classy and pretty car.
AdverseMartyr
> Future Heap Owner
10/18/2018 at 03:59 |
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...if he listens there will be only silence.
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AdverseMartyr
> interstate366, now In The Industry
10/18/2018 at 04:02 |
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How can someone from the Americas be an expat while in the Americas ?
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AdverseMartyr
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 04:03 |
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Someone was mixing in the prescription meds while drinking hard liquor to help with creativity.
Jayvincent
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 06:57 |
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I think I found your used car salesman...
404 - User No Longer Available
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 07:41 |
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> Be ready to knock pedestrians right off of their feet
Clearly guy is used to selling Mustangs.
(P.S. No keyboard shortcut nor quote button on the bar... seriously, Kinja?)
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CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
> NKato
10/18/2018 at 08:22 |
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If I could afford an F type SVR, I would have one. Trust me.
I’m always looking for cars! But at my current 4 count, not making any purchases soon.
Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW!
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 08:57 |
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I mean, I would at least test drive it for scientific reasons.
I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 09:34 |
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That is an AWESOME ad. For craigslist, not a dealership.
Joe6pack
> CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/18/2018 at 09:50 |
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I applaud it. At least he put in some effort. Most dealers these days pop up a few (probably incorrect) specs and move on.
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interstate366, now In The Industry
> AdverseMartyr
10/18/2018 at 10:55 |
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Because there’s not really another single-word term to describe someone from the US? I feel like you’re being unnecessarily pedantic for the sake of being pedantic.
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AdverseMartyr
> interstate366, now In The Industry
10/18/2018 at 20:21 |
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Yes. :) That’s how dry humor works.